And yet, I remember what David said and I feel as if I can relate,
"He reached down from on high and
took hold of me...
To the faithful, you show yourself
faithful,
to the blameless, you show yourself
blameless,
to the pure, you show yourself pure...
It is God who arms me with strength
and makes my way perfect...
He trains my hands for battle...
You give me your shield of victory..."
Psalm 18: 16-35
I love these verses from Psalm 18 because it affirms that the Lord helped and delivered David from fierce attacks by King Saul. It is beautiful to read David's praises--he reveled in God's goodness. The Lord became David's Protector, Defender, Strength, Shield, Rock, and Support. In the midst of intense persecution, the Lord completely showed up for David. He proved Himself faithful, blameless, and pure because David had faith, he believed!
Just as the Lord showed up for David, He has also shown up for me.
Growing up, I was never one to leave my mother's side. If I lost her in a department or grocery store, I almost had an anxiety attack or heart palpitations! If she died, I wanted to be buried with her. I would dream of living with her forever. I couldn't imagine us being apart. I was attached to and dependent on what was safe, familiar, and comfortable. Naturally, Mom considered me the least likely of her three children to move away from home.
[Enter Jesus!]
Oh yes, things began to drastically change when I turned 15 and accepted Christ on my first mission trip to Quito, Ecuador in 2003. At this point in my life, He began asking me to do things and go places that were completely uncharacteristic of me. It was almost as if a new Lauren was being born.
[Fast forward six years]
But even as a senior in college at age 22, there was still so much of the "old Lauren" in me, but that didn't keep the Lord from calling me to do something uncomfortable and unfamiliar...
He took hold of a naive, timid, fearful, and cowardly young woman (as I would describe myself apart from the Spirit) and sent her to Germany, on her own! He used her faith that was the size of a mustard seed. He chose a small, white, inadequate, ill-equipped, and inexperienced woman to share big love with 18 children from all over the world--Priscilla, Joyce, Kaelah, Laura, Britta, Kate, Ira, Josh, Luke, AJ, GI, Eseli, JAZ, Michal, Talya, Erin, Ji Soo, Kyra, and Hannah.
He proved Himself faithful. He proved Himself blameless. He proved Himself pure.
There were dark moments, but He always turned my darkness into light. There were moments when I felt so tired and weak, but He strengthened me. There were days when I felt so ignorant because of the language and cultural barriers that result from living as a foreigner in Germany, but He affirmed me and reminded me of my worth in Christ. There were times when I felt so alone, but He provided company and fellowship. There were circumstances when I felt like I failed students in the dorm and staff at BFA, but He enabled victory in reconciliation and forgiveness. There was grace upon grace for everything He asked me and called me to do here. He sustained me and He filled in all the gaps. I praise Him for doing the extraordinary in an ordinary girl and teaching me so much about Himself along the way. Like David, I too can revel in God's goodness because I know Him now in a much more intimate way.
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After a long introduction about how God called me here and kept me here, I feel like I can finally explain what it is I set out to share with you today.
Just as God was faithful in bringing me to Germany, He is faithful today in calling me home.
After much prayer, I have peaceful assurance that this season of service and ministry at Black Forest Academy is coming to completion. Three weeks ago, I shared at our Sunday night dorm devotionals that I would not be returning to the Liel dorm or BFA in the fall of 2012. This was quite possibly one of the hardest things God has asked me to do--say goodbye to the students that I have grown to love and adore. As I have temporarily stood in place of their parents over the past two years, I feel like these girls and boys have become part of me. Though these students are not biologically my own, my attachment to them seems to convince me that I can call them, "Mine!" (as mothers naturally do). Considering these feelings, you can only imagine how much it hurts my heart to think about leaving my family here.
At the same time, my heart takes comfort in the faithfulness of Jesus. He will continue to take care of His children at BFA even if I am not here to partner with Him.
Please pray that Jesus might help me as I prepare to leave these students in June and transition back to the States. Pray also that He would raise up more missionaries to work the plentiful harvest here. My prayer for you is that you are truly encouraged by the faithfulness of Jesus today.
Before I close, I do want to share one final praise...
After sharing with the Liel girls about my plans for next year, Priscilla gave me the most memorable hug. She came up to me with a smile and then squeezed me tighter and tighter. She finally looked up at me with tears in her eyes, never uttering a word. In that moment as we both wept, I knew that it was all worth it. I would do it all again, just to know Priscilla and hold her for those few seconds. It was a moment of victory as Jesus affirmed me in a very tangible way of the valuable and meaningful relationships that He authored here over the past two years. None of the cleaning, laundry, cooking, tucking in, driving around, late nights, or early mornings were ever in vain. Glory! :)
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As I return home, I am excited to share that the Lord has opened a door for me to continue my education at Westminster Theological Seminary in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. I will begin a master's program in biblical counseling in the fall. I am truly thankful for this opportunity to become more equipped for ministry and serving those in need.
To the Faithful One.
"The Lord lives! Praise be to my Rock! Exalted be God my Savior!"
Psalm 18:46
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