"The soul is healed by being with children." -Fyodor Dostoevsky

It seems that I don't really know where to begin today. And yet, there is so much to tell, so much to rejoice in because of the children who surround me and heal my soul...


(Left: Liel Family Photo, Christmas 2010)


I'll start with the title of today's blog...
Dostoevsky? I recently picked up a copy of The Brothers Karamazov and I am excited to continue reading Dostoevsky again as the foreward explains that this story will change me as a reader. To those who may not be familiar with this Russian novelist, Dostoevsky was a brillant writer! He is known as the "novelist of ideas" and he was a deeply religious man that passionately believed in Love, Christ-like Love.


I was surprised this week when I received a package in the mail from a dear friend of mine, Megan Maley. Megan teaches at Grove City Christian Academy and her 5th and 6th grade students are pen-pals with my 10 middle schoolers at BFA. The package consisted of the second round of letters between our students as well as one addressed to me from Megan. The card was handmade and on the front of the note it said, "The soul is healed by being with children. --Fyodor Dostoevsky"

After the past several weeks, I am beginning to identify Dostoevsky's brillance because I can testify to a soul being healed by the love of Christ and His children.

This year, my journal entries/blog posts have been an opportunity for you to meet our middle schoolers, receive a glimpse of this residence life ministry, and also share in the some of the spiritual truths and lessons that I have been learning. What I have not shared in great detail are the events of this year that have been hard, hurtful, burdensome, and deeply challenging. Because of the reality that this is a public domain, there are certain things I cannot share. Out of respect for our students' safety and privacy, there are other things that I cannot share.

But this year has been hard.

I honestly did not expect my first year in missions to be as hard as it has been, BUT I can tell you that when my soul was wounded...when my heart was hurting....when I was feeling empty, Christ came, Christ rescued, Christ healed... through various means:


Through the children...

• During the first week of Spring semester, after my personal computer was left in the States to be fixed and repaired, Joyce gifted me her old MP3 player with 396 of her favorite worship songs
• During one of my days off this semester, I received a note under my door from one of my girls that said, "Lauren, JESUS LOVES YOU and so do I!"
• During the first weekend of the semester, the girls and I were watching Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants and Ira came and filled my lap for the first time

Through my co-workers...

• The prayers of His people are beautiful! I have been profoundly encouraged and blessed by the laying on of hands--by dorm parents, the chaplain's assistant, fellow RAs, and my small group leader. In experiencing difficult circumstances, God has helped me to value my community of believers as I had neglected to do before. Over the past two weeks, these sweet friends and brothers and sisters in Christ have spoken truth to me that I had forgotten.
• Gifts of comfort from a fellow co-worker: wool socks and Irish tea :)
• Staff Support: when there is a situation that I am not qualified to handle in the dorm relating to a student's health (physical, emotional, or spiritual), I am able to process with these staff members at any time, call them at any time, and ask for advice at any time. It is a relief to know that I am neither working alone nor bearing student's burdens alone

Through Scripture/Devotionals/Truths...

• Psalm 33 "Our soul waits for the LORD, He is our help and our shield. For our heart is glad in Him, because we trust in His holy name. Let your steadfast love, O LORD, be upon us, even as we hope in you."
• Jerimiah 29 "For I know the plans I have for you....plans to give you hope..."
• Streams in the Desert, January 20, "God never uses anyone to a great degree until He breaks the person completely. Joseph experienced more sorrow than the other sons of Jacob and it led him into a ministry of food for all nations... It takes sorrow to expand and deepen the soul."
• Prayer of a friend, "Christ has pursued you to His death..."
• Prayer of a friend, "God's will and His plans for you fit you exquisitely."
• Streams in the Desert, January 23, "Darkness is a treasure. There is immeasurable wealth in tribulation."
• Commentary on Psalm 10, "However distant may be the day of justice, one promise is not delayed: THOU WILT STRENGTHEN THEIR HEART."
  

In short, I guess I never anticipated what it would take for the children and the people here to minister to me. I expected that I would do the ministering! I expected that I would do the praying. I expected to be the missionary! Afterall, I thought I came to give, not receive. Yet, I was so very wrong. How silly it was to think that I would not have sorrow here. How silly it was to think that I would not have needs.

And yet, God knew I needed to be made broken before I could do any kingdom building here. He knew that before I could be a comforter, I needed to experience real pain. He knew that before I could exhort someone to walk by faith, I needed to learn how to trust. He knew that I needed to experience loss in order to understand true gain.

The Christian life was never meant to be an easy one. It is neither about wealth nor health. Jesus commands us to take up our cross! How could I ever expect this to be painless? Just because I said 'yes' to Jesus does not mean that I deserve an easy life. Just because I decided to be a missionary does not mean that I will never walk through a valley. Peter was crucified upside down. Paul was imprisoned. Stephen was stoned. These men were deeply committed to Jesus--they loved Him and they were willing to endure all things to stand for Christ.

Christians and missionaries alike are not exempt from having wounds, suffering, and needing help. And just because Lauren Roop suffers, does not mean that she is loved any less by her Heavenly Father. May we all learn to more gladly receive and embrace our suffering and our sorrow as we trust God to use it for something beautiful and good. Afterall, He turned the cross into something glorious.

I praise God today that my soul has been/will be/and is being healed by Christ through His Word and through His children, both young and old.

To the One who makes all things whole,
Lauren